First comes anger, then comes hurt, then comes the realization that I have to make a decision… then I cry. Then I remember the burden is not mine… but it still feels like mine… then I cry some more. Will justice be served? On THIS side of heaven? Cry some more… Can I accept it if it’s not? Was all this for nothing?
It comes in waves. One minute I’m strategizing, poking through every argument, outlining every lie. The next minute I’m bawling, and asking why. The betrayal comes back to haunt me… they will do it again, they will get away with it again. My heart can’t take it. When I say “they” in reality, I think I’m referring to Him. Will He allow this to happen again? Again, can I accept this? Justice may not come on this side of Heaven, but He has shaped me through all of it. He has changed me. He has shown me who I am. He has shown me that “I CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Last week I received proof of one more lie. And like in the past, all I can do is cry. I can’t understand why someone would make up something to tear a family apart. To hear (read) things said about me, about my character, from people who knew me for 5 minutes after the harrowing day I’d just had. This revelation in particular really hurt, because I have believed this person’s story for the past 3 years. The truth hurts.